From a Heartbroken Hot Docs Fan: An Open Letter to Hot Docs

Dear Hot Docs,

I am writing to you as a very devoted and very sad aficionado of your festival. I have been coming to Hot Docs since I was a young’un. For years now, I have attended the festival using the Premium Pass or the Premium Pass for Two. Last year, I held the distinction of being the very first person to purchase the Premium Pass – I called the festival headquarters in March and a very lovely staff sold me one even though they hadn’t gone on sale yet. Last year I saw 44 movies. The year before, I saw somewhere closer to 50! I always brings friends along and try to introduce people to the spectacle that is Hott Docs. I even write a blog about the festival – not just about the movies, but about the whole experience of rushing between theatres, choosing seats, maximising schedules, and all the fun logistics that go along with tackling a festival of this size and quality.  

Here’s the sad part: somehow, despite the myriad emails that come my way from Hot Docs, I was completely unaware of the date that the passes went on sale. I was informed by someone at your box office this week that the Premium Passes went on sale before the regular packages. I’m not sure how I missed this but I feel that more could have been done to inform previous pass holders about the on-sale for this year’s festival. Perhaps a hard mailing; something attention-grabbing and tailored specifically to those festival goers who have demonstrated their devotion year after year.

For me, buying a ticket package is not workable. My whole shtick with the festival is that I like to be spontaneous and I like to choose my movies during the festival once I hear what other people are saying about the films. I work from 9-5 and then I usually squeeze in three movies a night. If I had to wait in rush ticket line-ups I simply would not be able to see this many movies. At best I reckon I’d be able to see one on a work night and three per day on a weekend. And that would involve hours and hours of standing in rush lines.

That brings my grand total to 19 movies, instead of the 40 that I usually take in. The thought of this breaks my heart and I can’t help but feel that maybe the festival has started to forget the little guys – the simple fans that thrive off of the excitement of a good old fashioned documentary film festival.

I realize that it is on me that I missed the pass sales, but I am asking that in the future there is more of an effort to notify previous pass holders of a change in the sales schedule.

I must stress to you that I am not a film buff. I’m not even a documentary connoisseur or a festival fan -- I am specifically, unabashedly a lover of Hot Docs. If there is any way to squeeze in one more little Premium Pass into the theatres, I would be forever grateful.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Sincerely,

Dr. Dock

Day Ten

Ten days into this ten day festival, and I've discovered that I can update the blog from my cellphone in the theatre lobby. Lovely!

Yesterday I started to tear up at the opening commercials.... Aha. I have just discovered one of the mountains, no, limitations on/of doing this on my cellscell phone- apparently no ability to delete the last word I've sorted, no, written. coupled with Swype, this should make for an interesting entry. I'll try to keep in (it) brief.

Chivasvivas Las Antipas (that is nowhere closerclose to the total/title of the movie) was a flowery display of post production magnificence. It was aboutabout....never mind.

Laura kinda sucked.

Shut up and play the hits was incredible.

The world before her was as good d as premixed, or promised. Try to see it today if you can.

If any body ooutroout (out) there woo knows somebody who works for Android, blogger or chrome, can you please let them know I need to have a word with them? Thanks.

Death of a Theatre

Just saw this on fb:

http://www.blogto.com/deadpool/2012/05/cumberland_cinema_set_to_enter_the_deadpool/

So sad. Just the other day I was sitting in that theatre thinking, "how the hell is this theatre still here?"

This means that the 4:00 screening of Laura today will be my last movie ever at the Cumberland. :(

Gettin Lazy

I haven't been posting too much, mostly because I don't think anybody is reading this anymore, maybe because i haven't been posting much. It's a vicious cycle.

Blah blah blah.

Ok. I've seen a bunch of movies and they've been pretty good. I liked the following: Queen of Versailles, Sexy Baby.

Angie O'Driscoll is one of the most annoying people I've ever been forced to watch on stage. She's one of the programmers that introduces films and moderates the q & a's. It's amazing how much she irritates me. I know that's not very nice but I had to get it off my chest.

Does anyone else find The Volunteer at the beginning to be quite endearing? And how awesome is it that there are no more FORD COMMERCIALS before the movies this year??? A SINGLE TANK OF GAS!!!

The World Before Her won the Canadian feature award and has gotten tons of buzzzzz and I'm nervous because I'm supposed to see it tomorrow morning and I'm worried about getting in, because even though I have this fancy thing called a Premium Pass, hot docs has this counterrevolutionary status called "Industry Rush" where even though I've spent $200 some odd dollars for "access to all non-concurrent regular Festival screenings"(I'm quoting from the back of the pass) I get to stand in a special rush line up for industry douchebags if the movie is too popular. That wasn't very nice of me. Again!! Not all douchebags, but for the most part...

Anyways, time to get back to Draw Something and then off to the movies. I'm not even going to read this over. So there.

Hackers and Penises

hot docs!!!!

Last night was a perfect specimen (more about those in a minute) of a fabulous night at hot docs. Putting the movies aside for a minute, the theatres were packed, the audiences were excited and the q and a's were interesting and fun for all. It was also my first movie at the new Bloor cinema. Aside from the screen being off-puttingly high (is that new? I can't remember), the seats were luxuriously comfortable.

The Bloor was the setting for my first screening of the evening - We Are Legion: The Story of the Hacktivists. This movie, about Anonymous, was the story of the online hacking network behind the attacks on Scientology and various other unsavory governmental organizations and businesses (like Paypal! and Mastercard!). It was an interesting look into what I previously thought was a secret world, but now know identifies as open and inclusive. I can't wait to leap on to 4chan and join in all the fun! The screening would have been even better if the man two seats over from me did not have the most severe case of halitosis I've ever smelled. During the q & a, there was an appearance by an "Anon" in his signature Guy Fawkes mask. He didn't speak but he emplyed many thumbs ups and mime-like poses. It was one of the first q & a's I saw at the festival this year where a subject was in attendance. Everybody loved the movie-I know because the applause-o-meter was off the charts!

After that, we were off the the Royal to see a couple movies about penises, with a quick stop for some Fresh Slices across the road. The screening was for The Final Member with a short film in front called Manhood - my favorite combo of the festival so far, for several reasons, which I will now enumerate.

1. I got popcorn. I like popcorn.
2. All of the filmmakers were from Toronto, so the theatre was packed with excited friends and family.
3. The movies were hilarious.
4. Penis.
Manhood was a very short film made by some students from Humber. It was a fine example of a movie with very little artistic or technical merit, but with a fabulous story, and tight editting (it clocked in at 5 minutes). It was a first person account of a young man who broke his penis during a particularly ambitious sex romp while on vacation with his new girlfriend in Jamaica. Laughter ensues.

The Last Member was one of the better movies I've ever seen at hot docs. It was one of those documentaries where you couldn't have written better characters. You gotta get a load of this man from California who has nicknamed his penis "Elmo" and is so enamoured with his member that he wants to cut it off, while he's alive, and display it in the world's only penis museum in Iceland. Another fun fact: according to well established folklore, the "legal size" for a penis in Iceland is 5 inches. 

Those two are screening again, try to see them if you can.

Bum Rash

Don't wear cheap jeans and thong underwear if you're planning on sitting on your bum all day. Nuff said.

About Face was better than I expected. If you like fashion photography, you'll love this one. Hear from models who have been photographed by Helmut Newton and "Dick" Avadon. If you don't fall in love with Pat Cleaveland than Dr's not my first name.

The Job was ok.

Over My Dead Body was interesting and beautiful at times but a little too contrived in terms of graphical flourishes and whatnot. Yes, that is the technical term.

Her Master's Voice was about ventriloquists and their dummies. Scary stuff. But we got a little private show by Nina Conti and monkey during the q & a. I think she's famous because I've seen her on tv so that's pretty neat.

This Train

I saw the first 5 star flick of the festival tonight - so good that it motivated me to resurrect the blog. It might be a bit more sparse than usual this year, on account of me having a lot of other stuff going on during the festival, but if you can tolerate my brevity then here we go...

Big Easy Express. Go see. GO SEE IT NOW. Or whenever it's playing next.

Big Easy Express is essentially a tour video about 3 alt/country/folk bands touring the American south/west by train and playing shows every night beside their parked train. Having just returned from a road trip that took me through parts of Arizona and New Mexico, I tingled with nostalgia throughout the 61 minute film, but even if you didn't just return from your own personal desert adventure, the sight of Mumford and Sons paying their majestic song The Cave backed by an Austin high school marching band will surely make your fuzzy hairs stand on end too. To be honest, every moment of the movie made my hair stand on end. If you like trains, deserts and banjos, please see this movie.

Last night I saw The Outing, which profiled a young gay pedophile in Germany or Austria or somewhere around there where they have all those pedophiles. You know when you go see a doc about dance and there's lots of dancers in the audience, or when you see a movie about hockey and there's lots of hockey fans in the audience? Yeah.

I also so Off Label today but it wasn't very good so I don't feel like writing about it. I feel like eating a frozen pizza and going to bed.

So this is what you're going to get this year!

Just sayin.

Good morning! What's that? You don't have your pass yet for hot docs 2012? Of course you don't. That's because I'm THE VERY FIRST AND ONLY OWNER of a 2012 hot docs pass. A Premium Pass, to be exact. How did I achieve this not-so-dubious distinction, you may ask? Well. I called them, and asked if I could buy one. And a very nice girl named Allie told me, "they're not on sale yet but sure, we can sell you one." Awesome! Thanks Allie! There's only 50 Premium Passes this year (good job hot docs, limiting the number of passes is a judicious move), so get 'em while they're....hot.

(The) Last Night

At this point it doesn't really matter how my day was yesterday, since none of y'all are going to be see anymore movies because hot docs is over. But since you asked, the highlight of the day was Kumare, about a dude from New Jersey who dresses up like an Indian guru and convinces a bunch of gullible Arizonians to become his followers. I found him inspiring - I'm already growing out my own beard to see how many followers I can amass.

The People's Choice award was announced today, and was awarded to Somewhere Between, about American girls who were adopted from China, and the difficulties that they encounter as a result of being "somewhere between" the two cultures. I'm kicking myself for missing this. I skipped it last Sunday because I was hungry and I needed a break. Poor showing, Dr. Dock. And to think that I call myself a doctor...

Coming soon (as in tonight, tomorrow, or whenever I get around to it): a list and ranking of all of the movies I saw, and perhaps some of my own awards. Stay tuned.

Ending, But Not Over

I'm convinced that the hot docs programmers have stacked the end of the festival with the better movies because yesterday was so damn good.

How to Die in Oregon was an emotionally and physically jolting experience. I cried for almost 108 minutes solid, and judging from the sniffling and snuffling noises coming from around me, I wasn't the only one. The movie follows a 54 year old woman as she decides if and when to die. What a ballsy subject for filmmaker Peter Richardson to cover. Bravo. The film garnered and long and strong standing ovation, and I wouldn't be surprised if this was a strong contender for People's Choice Award. It's playing again today at 5:45 at the Cumberland. Go. And bring tissues.

Another stand-out from yesterday was After the Apocalypse, which raised the controversial issue of a government's power to interfere with a woman's right to reproduce. Some doctors in Khazakstan believe that have an obligation to do so. It is difficult for us in Canada to understand that, but we aren't faced with the spectre of mass genetic mutations in our future generations. Maybe it's not so cut and dry. A highlight of the movie was seeing a fetus in a jar with one giant eye in the middle of his face. Who's got the popcorn?

The Black Power Mixtape 1967-1975 was also amazing. It played to a sold out Bloor Cinema which is always a rowdy experience (for a night at the movies). There were a couple bouts of spontaneous applause in the middle of the movie, most notably after an impassioned soliloquy by Angela Davis from her prison cell. This movie was an extraordinary treatment of rare archival footage, and it was mesmerizing.

Well, I suppose this is almost my last post for the year. Thanks for humouring me by thus far. Tomorrow I'll let you know how today goes, and I'll announce the Dr. Dock Awards.

Get out there!

Dr. Dock's Prescription for the LAST WEEKEND of hot docs 2011

So its the last weekend of hot docs, and you've spent the whole week thinking, "I'd like to be more like Dr. Dock, but I just don't have the stamina and the cinematic prowess, and I wouldn't even know where to start!" Well hop up on this table here and listen to what I have to say.

First of all, check out the sidebar for an updated list of movies I'm probably going to see this weekend. Most of them look great and I think they're safe bets. Please ignore any weird formatting and font issues in the sidebar, that's just Blogger's way of telling my to go fuck myself.

The following movies are movie's I have seen that are repeating this weekend, and come with my star of approval:

Little Voices (today, 3:45, TBLB2)
Weibo's War (today, 7:00, Regent)
The Guantanamo Trap (today, 9:30, Regent)
Inside Lara Roxx (tomorrow, 9:30, Royal)

You might also want to check out the latest leaders in the People's Choice Awards. I never vote - I can't rate the movies until I've seen them all and by then nobody cares about my vote. I could go on for a while about the inherent flaws in this voting system but this is neither the time nor the....actually, it's totally the place. But not the time. Read on.

A better idea is to peruse the list of award winners from last night's awards ceremony. If any of these films are screening again this weekend, go see them, but get there early. The repeat screenings were announced for Sunday morning based on the awards. (Side question: they use to do these repeat screenings on Sunday night, didn't they?) I'm always hopeful that there's at least one movie that I missed that's getting a repeat and this year it's Family Portrait in Black and White, which is about a Ukrainian woman raising 23 abandoned children including 16 bi-racial ones. The other one is Dragonslayer, which I haven't heard too much about, but hey, it won an award!

One last consideration: The TIFF Lightbox theatre on King is an amazing theatre. It's worth seeing if you haven't already, and it's certainly made my hot docs marathon a lot easier. But as far as I'm concerned, the heart of hot docs beats on Bloor, and for the last weekend it's nice to get swept up in the revelry. I'm going to be rolling around "uptown" as much as I can. Hope to see you there!

Really, you can't go wrong. Pick a time and a place that you want to be, and go watch a freaking documentary. God speed my little patients!

20 down, 10 More To Go

"I want to get mooore out of a tank of gas." - annoying lady in the Ford Commercial

I have heard this lady say this exactly 20 times in the past 8 days.

But nevermind that. Life is great.

Little Voices was amazing. It was a 3D animated movie about children who have been scarred by civil war in Columbia. We got to wear the glases and everything! The animations were based on drawings by the children, and they were cute, smiley and colourful - an interesting juxtaposition to the horrible stories the children were telling. This was a very unique movie, a perfect antidote to the bland interview/narrate documentary format. It also had one of the best scores of the festival.

After some avocado rolls and deep friend lotus roots (finally! a meal!) we headed up to the Cumberland for Inside Lara Roxx, which I enjoyed more than I thought I would. An interesting aspect to this film was the relationship betweeen Lara and the filmmaker Mia. Mia chose to narrate her decisions regarding when to shoot and when to stop, and the viewers get to observe their relationship growing and changing. They were both there for the q & a, but Lara had just gotten out of rehab two days earlier so she could barely stand. Somebody had to get her a chair. It was very real, and perceptively tense for the audience, which is what I love about these hot docs experiences. I'm glad I didn't catch this flick on opening night because the director mentioned that they ha sold out the Bloor. Have you ever been in the Bloor when it was at capacity? It's like being on an oversold 747 to Singapore. Without the sexy flight attendants.

So that was last night.

Hi! Welcome to hot docs! Right this way...

With only three days left to go, I'm deeply ensconced in the in the manic phase of hot docs. I don't eat, aside from lazy capreses, popcorn, and the occasional bowl of cereal before I go to bed. I barely have time to sleep. And my apartment has become a dumping ground for dirty socks and ticket stubs. This morning I found a Rice Krispie in my bed (I think it was Crackle). Things are spinning a little bit out of control here!

Forgot to tell you that on Wednesday night I had a heart-to-heart with the girl at the Lightbox box office (otherwise known as hd #1 - see my post Rabblerousing). I told her all about my routine, and how I was caught off guard and didn't know how to react, and I apologized for giving her a hard time. We're cool now.

Saw Limelight and My Barefoot Friend last night. Limelight, which was about NYC nightlife impresario Peter Gatien, moved a bit too fast for me. And towards the end it hit me that I had been listening to trance music for the past 90 minute. "Ugh," says present-day me. "Woohoo!" says 17 year old me. It was an interesting story, especially the long stretch towards the end about the criminal prosecution of Gatien. My Barefoot Friend, about a rickshaw puller in Calcutta, was gritty and emotional. It also made me wonder how I ever survived in India, even for a month. What a filthy place. What delicious food. Notably, although I thought it was a solid movie, the audience barely applauded at the end. Awkward.

By the way, am I the only one who thinks that the "we couldn't do this without the volunteers" commercial that screens before every movie is hilarious? I am? I've been getting that impression. And PLEASE, people, you're at a film festival. You must follow proper etiquette and CLAP after that commercial. It is simply uncouth not to. I cannot keep carrying your weight. Let's all take turns.

Stay tuned for tonight's announcement of the extra screenings on Sunday morning. And if you're looking for suggestions for this weekend, you can peruse the list of movies that are leading the audience choice awards.

No Speaking the English

Pet peeve: English subtitles over English dialogue. Especially when they're wrong. I just can't wrap my head around it. I'm specifically referring to Melissa Mom and Me, which was an Israeli film. I do not understand how somebody living in Israel, where there are probably millions of American expats, can't find a native English speaker to proofread the subtitles, or to remind the filmmakers that you don't need to subtitle dialogue in its own language. I've seen this epidemic in other movies too. FILMMAKERS: If you need help with subtitles, my rates are very reasonable! And I speak English is very good! Aside from this travesty the movie was weird. It was about a couple of girls who used to be strippers in Tokyo. One girl, Yael, has a painfully obsessive crush on the other, Melissa. Seven years after they've last seen each other, Yael searches for Melissa and shows up on her doorstep in the US of A with a film crew. Melissa can barely remember who she is, but Yael sticks around and keeps filming her. I think in the Criminal Code of Canada this is referred to as criminal harassment.

It screened with a movie called Poster Girl, about a 19 year old girl who went to Iraq, and was traumatized by all the horrific things she saw. Whine whine whine.

After that I headed down to the Lightbox for Memoirs of a Plague and another lazy caprese. Nothing goes better with basil infused cocktails than close-up HD shots of locust autopsies. Yum!

Up tonight: Limelight, then either My Barefoot Friend or Project Nim. Any takers?

Rabblerousing

Last night:

a) reminded me of why I started this blog.
b) reaffirmed my love for hot docs.
c) should serve as a reminder of why I shouldn't be allowed to go the movies by myself - I'm just not responsible enough to do it without getting myself into trouble.

If you guesses a, b, and c, then you are probably my friend or family.

Let's begin just over a month ago, when passes went on sale for hot docs. For $280, I bought myself a "Premium Pass for Two," which, according the the back of the pass, "entitles the bearer and a guest access to all non-concurrent Festival screenings." Since this pass cost me $110 more than an all-the-single-ladies pass, I have decided to try to recoup the difference from my guests. To that end, I have been asking my friends to PWTC for my extra tickets, with the notion that once I raise $110, it's a free for all. So far, I have recovered $20, a sour apple martini, a bj, and a delicious and much required breakfast at Over Easy (not all at once, except for the bj and the breakfast). Anyhoo, I did a stupid thing last night...

I was running late for Hot Coffee at The Royal. I arrived at 6:53 for a 7:00 movie, and had to squeeze up to the front of the line amongst all the rushies. How beneath me. Tempted by fate, and about two feet away from the ticket booth, I turned to the woman behind me and said, in a hushed voice, "I can give you my extra ticket for $10." My surreptitious tone must have gone over her head, because she got excited about the bargain and began waving a tenner at me. I tried to calm her down and suggested that she put the money away and give it to me later, away from the prying eyes of the hot doc staff. I managed to keep her quiet until we got into the theater where the clandestine exchange of money took place. But out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that we were being followed. It became apparent to me that a lanky man in a hot docs t-shirt and a headset was watching the whole deal go down. I'm pretty sure I heard him call back to one of his colleagues "I just want to see if she's giving her money!" The embarrassment began to set in. I love hot docs. I support hot docs. I certainly don't want to rip of hot docs. But even more, I don't want to get caught ripping off hot docs. So I slunk off to the best seat I could find, along the aisle in the second row, and waited for the film to begin. But the story's not over.

Now, I am very particular about my seats. This prompted me to ask an official looking woman, one of the programmers I believe, whether they would be opening up the coveted pair of accessibility seats behind the soundboard. As I asked her, Lanky sidled up, and piped in with "We like to save those seats for groups of two. Are you here with anyone?" He looked really proud of himself for coming up with such a probative question. I sheepishly told them that I wasn't, and he gave the programmer a sideways look that unequivocally implied that they knew. I was busted. I was going to get thrown out of the theatre, have my pass revoked, and never be allowed back to hot docs. My blog flashed before my eyes. But they didn't say anything. They were busy and they kept about their business.

The movie started. I couldn't concentrate. I had projectors fluttering in my stomach. The guilt was mounting and the embarrassment was morphing into mortification. I wanted to enjoy the movie but I couldn't, not with my impending ejection from hot docs hanging over my head. So I decided that I needed to something about it. I would apologize, and offer to make two $5 donations to hot docs by text message. No, three. That seemed fair.

I began the long trek from the second row to the back of theatre. In the lobby, I found Lanky and pulled him aside, and asked him "Were you watching me enter the theatre?" Lanky looked at me quizzically and said that he saw many people coming into the theatre and couldn't recall whether or not he saw me. Oh. I asked again, "didn't you see me come into the theatre with that other woman?" The programmer and another volunteer joined in. They had no idea what I was talking about. I had stuck my foot too far into my mouth and the only place to go was down. I explained to them that I had a Two for One Pass but that the woman who took my extra ticket was not my friend, and I didn't know her and that I felt terrible. The programmer was confused. "Why are you so apologetic? You're allowed to bring someone in with you." Down the hatchet we go: "Well, she gave me $10." Blanks looks all around. "Don't worry about, that's no problem! We'll pretend you never said anything!" Well don't I feel special now. I have just confessed to a transgression that nobody witnessed and that apparently wasn't even a transgression, and I was missing a chunk of the movie to accomplish this feat of morality. The programmer patted me on the shoulder, told me to get myself a hot coffee and get back to the movie. I did, with my tail between my legs, leaving the three very confused hot docs staff in the lobby.

Guilt alleviated, I was able to thoroughly enjoy the rest of the movie, which was about the state of tort law in the US. Remember the lady who sued McDonald's because her coffee was too hot? The movie presented the audience with a photo of her burns - if you ever doubted her right to a settlement, this documentary may change your mind. There was a lively and exciting q & a afterwards with the director, with lots of cross commenting and debating across the audience. I loved it. And hey, I even asked my very first question! There was that one time at TIFF where I might have asked Matthew McConaughey what he was doing later that night, but last night was certainly my first substantive question. Thrilling!

Hot Coffee was followed by a stroll down to the Lightbox where altercation #2 was awaiting me. The scene opens at the box office (doesn't it always?).

Me [displaying my pass]: I'd like one ticket for At Night They Dance.

hot doc volunteer #1: I'm sorry, we don't have any tickets left.

Me: Huh? I have a pass.

hd: I'm sorry m'am, but we don't have any industry tickets left.

Me: I'm not industry. I'm a member of the public. I have a pass.

hd: I understand, but we don't have any tickets to give you.

Me: There must be a misunderstanding - I have a pass. I paid almost $300 for this and I'd like my ticket now please.

hot docs staff #2, coming to her rescue: M'am, you don't need to be rude.

Me [honestly, keeping my cool]: I'm not being rude. I'd like my ticket please.

hd #2: We have sold out of pass tickets, you'll have to wait here in this special industry rush line and we will count the empty seats soon and start letting you in ahead of the regular rush line.

Me: I have seen 150 movies in the last 4 years [untrue: it's probably closer to 110 in three years] and this has never happened before.

hd #3: This has never happened to us either.

Various other arguments ensued. The futility sunk in and I assumed my spot at the front of the newly minted "industry rush line." Two minutes later, they gave me a blank ticket with the name of the movie scrawled on it (they weren't kidding, they really didn't have any tickets to give me) and up I went to theatre number four, which had at least 50 empty seats. Aru?? I saved myself a spot and headed outside for some chill out time before the movie. These old bones can't handle all the excitement like they used to!

I'm glad I fought so hard for my rights, because At Night They Dance was the film of the fest so far. I was transported into the streets of Cairo, and was captivated by the lives of the belly dancers and the men who pay them. The rest of the audience loved it also - I know because the applause began on the very first frame of the credits. It's a foolproof way to gauge audience response - try it for yourself next time. This movie made me rethink my selections for the rest of the fest - I need to chose more movies that take me places instead of telling me things. I know a lot of things, but places, you can never be to enough of them.

All in all, my favorite night at the festival so far this year.

Date Night at the Docs?

I sure know how to woo the men. Last night I took Shawn to see El Sicario: Room 164, a movie about Mexican torture techniques (never beat the body while they're alive, it makes too much of a mess), then I took Jordan to see Empire North, an abstract experimental docu-fiction about some Danish guy who invented a sniper rifle to show at a weapons fair in Qatar. The entire film appeared to be filmed on a cell phone camera from the early 2000's, and featured intermittent shots of the main character having violent sex with his girlfriend, played by Honey Holman, Jack Nicholson's daughter. In fairness to Jordan, this was the first movie I've ever taken him to that he did not walk out on, but it was only 58 minutes.

On my way between the Cumberland and the Lightbox, the key for my bike lock exited my back pocket (I can't figure out why, most inanimate objects love to be nestled near my bum cheeks). So instead of locking my bike outside the theatre, I leaned it up against the bike stand and pretended to lock it (two months of Second City improvisation classes really came in handy). Lo and behold, not a soul wanted my $40 bike that I got off Craiglist.Or maybe they took it for a test ride and then returned it. If you think I'm joking then you've never ridden my bike.

So I'll be walking to the Royal tonight for Hot Coffee at 7:00. Can't wait for my Bixi tag to show up in the mail!

Tweet tweet

Hey, I'm back on the Twitter wagon. Check me out here for live festival updates!

Weekend Roundup

Well team, we're approaching the half-way mark - my apartment is strewn with ticket stubs and dirty socks, my purse is filled with granola bar wrappers, and my eyes have taken on a permanent glaze which makes me look slightly less sober than I actually am. Seems like as good a time as any to take stock of the movies that I saw this weekend.

El Bulli - Cooking in Progress: Foodies and Top Chef fans will enjoy this one, but i found its "observational cinema" style to be sleep inducing. Do not go see this movie hungry.

Mothers of Bedford: A touching film about mothers in a maximum security prison in New York who are trying to raise their children from behind bars. Many of them are serving murder sentences; I loved hearing about the offences that they were sentenced for.

Weibo's War: I skipped the Tribe Called Quest movie to see Weibo's War based on a tip from Now Magazine that Weibo was going to be there - all lies. But a good movie nonetheless, although the storyline felt unresolved at the end. If you like exploding gaslines, Christian compounds, and murder mysteries, then this is the movie for you!

The National Parks Project: See post below. I can't get into it again, it will make me angry.

Jig: This actually might be my favorite of the festival so far, though its appeal is probably limited to viewers with an interest in the wild world of competitive dance. It was a solid doc with a big budget and cute kids in funny costumes. It also got the most enthusiastic audience reception of any movie that I have seen so far, but that was probably because 90% of the audience was comprised of little girls who are Irish dancers. If the audience at Pirate Tapes was 90% pirates, I'm sure that would have raucous reception too.

Battle for Brooklyn: I wish I could say that this movie about eminent domain was inspiring, but instead it was one of the David vs. Goliath stories where David gets schooled, and I was only inspired never to bother standing up to the man. Or to take the money and run.

Becoming Chaz: A nice enough movie, about Chastity Bono transitioning into Chaz. This movie would appeal to anyone with an interest in gender issues, or any kind of personal identity issues. The most interesting part for me was learning about a support group for pre-pubescent transgendered children.

The Pirate Tapes: This movie was fraught with technical and stylistic problems - most notably the sound mixing. The music was louder than the voice-overs and it was difficult to hear what the narrator was saying. I don't understand how issues like this make it past all of the editing stages. Then there were all these weird diagrams and graphics that were impossible to follow - was it just me? But the biggest problem with the movie was Mohammed, the young Somali Canadian who took a camera to Somalia to infiltrate the pirate networks, assuming that he could come under no harm because his father was a former Minister there. Bad assumption. I'll let you find out the rest. The footage of the pirates was fascinating, but Mohammed's cockiness was maddening, and during the q & a, he actually referred to himself as a martyr. No joke.

Lazy Eyes and Lazy Capreses

Yesterday I made it to four out of five movies - I just couldn't do the 11:45 pm showing of Empire North. These old bones can't keep taking the abuse of 14 hours of films in one day. After all these years, my bum is starting to take on the shape of a movie theatre chair.

Best Song Title of the Festival:

"Learning to Love Your Lazy Eye" - an instrumental piece from Mothers of Bedford.

The Big News: 

I walked out of the theatre half way through a movie yesterday. This is a big decision, especially when the film makers are in attendance (which they were), but I believe it was justified in this case. The National Parks Project....sucked. I don't know how else to put it. It was a collection of self-indulgent film school class projects. Sorry guys. I watched about 6 of the 13 short films, and I drew the line when the Ontario movie (filmed in Bruce Peninsula National Park) stated scrolling nonsensical text messages across a black background for about 2 minutes, at which point the man beside me loudly blurted "they must be drunk!" I was thinking high on mushrooms, but that's neither here nor there. By the way, this man had also loudly stated "What a bad movie, terrible" at a quiet point during the Saskatchewan short. I don't condone this kind of behaviour, and I don't usually condone walking out on a screening, I just couldn't handle it - and I wasn't alone. I saw at least ten others do the same. 

As a side note: the Nunavut short, filmed in Sirmilik National Park was quite striking. 

So I left. And since I hadn't eaten anything all day except for a granola bar and some popcorn, I beelined for the Blackberry Lounge at the Lightbox theatre and ordered myself one of their delicious caesars (they're called Lazy Capreses, and have a basil puree mixed in and some cheese on top. A meal in a high ball glass). This made me a little tipsy, which led me to me strike up a conversation with the two fat cat (or just fat) film industry guys beside me who had obviously also just walked out of the theatre.

Me: "Did you guys just walk out of the National Parks Project?"

Them: "Yes."

Me (trying to do some recon so I don't put my foot in my mouth later in the conversation): "Why did you leave?"

Them: "We thought the music was terrible, the whole thing just didn't work well together as a concept."

Me: (taking this as cart blanche to put my feet in my mouth - yes, I can put both in there at once): "Yeah, I saw the Gros Morne version at last year's festival, and I thought it sucked too, but I was hoping this collection would be better." 

Them: "That was our friend's movie."

Me: "Oh. Sorry. But it sucked. I'll get back to finishing my caesar."

Good recovery. 

Zzz

I have made an early festival mistake: I only got about four hours of sleep last night and I have five movies to see today, alternating between downtown (TIFF Lightbox) and uptown, along Bloor. That's a lot of bike riding for a tired girl. Let's see how many movies I fall asleep during today. I predict a clean sweep.

Big night last night for Dr. Dock! I initiated the applause following the "we can't do this without volunteers" commercial before the film. It's a big move to start a round of applause - mortifying if the crowd leaves you hanging, but exhilarating when they all join in. Thank you to the audience at The Guantanamo Trap for you participating in my ovation.

The big question for today: The Tribe Called Quest doc, which was described in Now Magazine as just another E! True Hollywood Story, or Weibo's War, which got five Ns and will be attended by Weibo himself? It might come down to how much pedal power I have left in me by this afternoon. I'll keep you posted.