pink milkcrate's preliminary guide to the movies

I prefer to wait for the hardcopy program book before I make my final selections for the festival; I think it has something to do with the binding glue.  But the online program guide that came out on the Hot Docs website certainly gets my juices flowing, and I'm not talking about my creative juices.

For those of you who are eager to make your picks but too lazy to read through 168 movie descriptions on the interweb, here is a brief quiz to help you chose one of three approved packages featuring a variety of common interests: 

1. You’re strolling through Kensington on a beautiful day. You are always on the lookout for:

a) octogenarians who need help crossing Dundas.

b) the 11 yr old boy from your neighbourhood that’s been missing for a week.

c) your dealer.

2. It’s Sunday afternoon, and I can’t find you anywhere. That’s because I haven’t yet checked at:

a) the Annex Retirement Residence, where you're volunteering. 

b) 52 division, where you’ll be providing a statement about the last time you saw little Jimmy.

c) a meth lab.

3. It's Saturday morning, time for a little housework! I can find you:

a) installing safety bars in your shower in case your gramps comes for a visit.

b) clearing out space in your freezer.

c) sitting in your easy chair in a cloud of smoke.

If you answered mostly A’s, you love old people.  Good for you. May I suggest the "Sunday Special" package:

Autumn Gold

La Belle Visite 

Ladies in Blue 

The Fabulous Fiff and Fam 

Joan Rivers – A Piece of Work 

If you answered mostly Bs, you’re weird. You’ll also probably wait in a line up with me at some point. Perhaps you’d like to try the "Dregs of Society" package:

A Man Came and Took Her 

Tussilago 

Anne Perry - Interiors 

Life with Murder

Family Affair

  

If you answered mostly C’s, then you like drugs. As a recreational binding glue stiffer, I admire that.  Check out the “Always an Addict" package.

Flowers in the Desert

I'm Dangerous With Love

These Girls

The Player 

Dock Ellis & the LSD No-No

If you answered A, B and C, then I’m not letting you anywhere near my grandmother when you’re high.

one month before hot docs.

Nothing says ‘spring’ like hundreds of Torontonians crammed into the Bloor Cinema on a Sunday evening in May watching a movie about objects. Objects. As in pens, toothpicks and potato peelers.

Doesn’t sound like your roll of film? Well friend, then you might not be a documentarianst.

I, for one, like my tv to be real and my movies to be chock full of factoids, actualities and truths. It’s the only way I learn anything. 

So come April 29th, phone goes off. Lunches get packed. Tires get pumped. Friends get dropped.

This year’s record: 35 movies in 10 days. This is not a blog about the movies. It is a blog about going to the movies.

And who would possibly want to read about someone going to the movies aside from you, the lover of the humble documentary film? (May I remind you once again that last year you watched a move about things, and you loved it.)

I'll take you through it all - how to craft the perfect schedule (a complex yet rewarding process involving several highlighters, a pot of darjeeling and an abacus), how to score your favorite seats in the theater (the old “fire!” trick) and how to sneak out of awkward q and a sessions (prevention is key).

So from April 29th to May 9th, please don't call me, eat my lunch, slash my tires, or try to be my friend. I’ll be getting my doc on.

docs docs docs