Sunday, March 28, 2010

pink milkcrate's preliminary guide to the movies

I prefer to wait for the hardcopy program book before I make my final selections for the festival; I think it has something to do with the binding glue.  But the online program guide that came out on the Hot Docs website certainly gets my juices flowing, and I'm not talking about my creative juices.

For those of you who are eager to make your picks but too lazy to read through 168 movie descriptions on the interweb, here is a brief quiz to help you chose one of three approved packages featuring a variety of common interests: 

1. You’re strolling through Kensington on a beautiful day. You are always on the lookout for:
a) octogenarians who need help crossing Dundas.
b) the 11 yr old boy from your neighbourhood that’s been missing for a week.
c) your dealer.

2. It’s Sunday afternoon, and I can’t find you anywhere. That’s because I haven’t yet checked at:
a) the Annex Retirement Residence, where you're volunteering. 
b) 52 division, where you’ll be providing a statement about the last time you saw little Jimmy.
c) a meth lab.

3. It's Saturday morning, time for a little housework! I can find you:
a) installing safety bars in your shower in case your gramps comes for a visit.
b) clearing out space in your freezer.
c) sitting in your easy chair in a cloud of smoke.


If you answered mostly A’s, you love old people.  Good for you. May I suggest the "Sunday Special" package:



If you answered mostly Bs, you’re weird. You’ll also probably wait in a line up with me at some point. Perhaps you’d like to try the "Dregs of Society" package:


  
If you answered mostly C’s, then you like drugs. As a recreational binding glue stiffer, I admire that.  Check out the “Always an Addict" package.


If you answered A, B and C, then I’m not letting you anywhere near my grandmother when you’re high.

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